Ariane In Israel: A Very Narrow Bridge

So I started out living in Jerusalem, a city which is basically the great love of my life. Things I love about Jerusalem:
-The history
-The light, especially in the late afternoon
-How quiet and peaceful it is on Shabbat
-The architecture, the stone
-The intensity, the "heaviness" everyone talks about, which is unavoidable being that several religions believe it is the very center of the universe
-Access to religious thinkers and events
-The mountains
-A few really good, close friends
-The fact that everyone who lives there does so by deliberate choice, and the kind of human being that generally denotes. Nobody just "happens" to live in Jerusalem.

I mean, I love it. I really do. I would stay there, but I decided I wanted something different about my living situation specifically. My roomie really wanted to maintain a peaceful home, and I figured out that I want something more social and lively. So I decided to move out.

I had a few weeks to find a place, and the clock was ticking. There was one moment when I really panicked because it wasn't looking good, and I called my dad in tears to panic, and while I was raving to my dad, I got a call from a guy with a great apartment who asked me to move in with him! It's always at the lowest point that things turn up, right?

Well, almost...

The new place was on Rashi street in Tel Aviv. I had really mixed feelings about leaving Jerusalem, but I really couldn't find the kind of social living situation I wanted in Jerusalem. All the apartments I looked at just didn't have that atmosphere, which brings me to some of Jerusalem's trickier points...

-Everything is closed on Shabbat, basically. The city is dead. Or "peaceful." It depends on my mood and how lonely I was feeling that determined how I saw it.
-Most of my friends in the city are religious, and so they turned their phones off on Shabbat, so unless I made plans in advance with them, there was no way to fill that loneliness with friends because they were inaccessible.
-Sexual harassment city! Whoa! I think because it's a more conservative place in general, I was always getting honked at or hit on or accosted or spit at and one time I cab driver even suggested he by my sugar daddy and licked me. Licked me. Uncomfortable.
-It's been kinda dangerous lately in terms of civil unrest and terrorist activity and I think it's going to get exponentially worse.

But you guys know me, I tend to identify a difficult scenario and just plop myself down right in the middle of it because I am adventurous/have lost my mind.

But in any case, I decided to make the move, and I hauled all myself to the new place on Rashi in Tel Aviv, and got all moved in and happy. And then we met with the landlord...

In Israel you generally pay for an apartment by writing 12 checks, all dated the first of the next months until you move out. And then the landlord cashes them each month, so they don't have to collect rent from you. It's a pretty easy system. Except as an American, I don't have an Israeli bank account, and American checks don't work in Israel, so I can't operate in this system. It's kind of tricky to get an Israeli bank account as a non-Israeli, and Israeli banks are kind of ridiculous... they charge you for everything and you lose money in conversion and it's just not worth it to open one.

Well, the landlord had said on the phone that I could move in if I paid 6 months rent up front in cash and got a co-signer, which I had in Dorot's lawyer. But when we met with him, he decided that cosigner is not enough and I could either pay 13 months in cash (12 months plus deposit) or I could find a personal co-signer (like an israeli friend), or I could get lost.

Well, my Israeli advisor tried to reason with him and explain that I'm backed by a multi-million dollar foundation, but he wasn't having it. I could have scraped together the 13 months, but that would have involved eating ramen for a while until my next stipend check arrived. And I know I have friends here that would have co-signed, but I think it would have been totally heinous to ask my friends, other 20-somethings on student budgets, to sign a contract with me. And anyway the landlord was really intimidating me with his rigidity and I didn't want to deal with his severity so I decided to leave.

Which is all well and good except I didn't have another apartment...

Now all this time since I decided to leave my Jerusalem apartment I was really stressed and scared about the idea that I would be homeless. What would I do if I couldn't find a place in time? And a lot of people gave me pep talks. "Well worse comes to worst, you stay with your friends! You have so many friends in Israel! You just sleep at each one's place for 2 days and that's a few months right there!"

And my dad gave me a fabulous pep talk, which I quote from his e-mail, edited for length:

"Home--- " Home is the place that when you have to go there they have to let you in" Robert Frost whom I despise said that but you dont have to throw out the baby with the bath water.

Therefor you might not have a bedroom of your own or even a place out of rain but as long as I am alive or your mother or your brother you will always have a home.

Second by definition a traveler is not at home but they are not homeless

just not at home.

Third I seem think there are people in connecticut and NY and Paris who would also think you are at home when you are with them.

Fourth you can only take up so much space at one time. If you are comfortable inside your skin you are home. Anyplace your ass occupies is your home. Anyplace you stand. Is your home if you are at home with yourself.

For me the key is aclear conscience. If I feel guilty i am not at home even if in a house I owned for thirty years. With a clear conscience

I am at home under the kotel, In jail in china or hong kong or chicago. Or in a luxury HOtel supplied by Hilton for ITT sheraton. I am at home under a canoe on the shores of Moose head lake or at Cajun Johns Voodoo animal sacrifice collection Bayou. Or anyplace your mother is.

Missing people at another home should not mean you are not at home where you are. You have more sincere friends than any other person

I know and they would all say mi casa su casa; In fact you piss them off by not staying with them more often and longer.

Homeless hahahahah// the reality is there are more homes that miss you than homes that you miss.

God bless you and your home where ever you make it and all whom you welcome to it or share it. The world is yours , avoid the vermin

and enjoy the rest. "

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 I miss you, Dad.

And my good friend Sam here let me stay at his place in the center of Tel Aviv. Not only let me stay but really made me feel at home and supported me and I am so lucky to have him.

So my motto in Israel, and kind of in life, comes from Rabbi Nachman (I think):

כָּל הָעוֹלָם כֻּלוּ גֶשֶׁר צַר מְּאֹד וְהָעִיקָר לאֹ לְפַחֵד כְּלַל
Kol Ha'Olam Kulo gesher tzar maod v'haikar lo l'fached klal
The whole world is a very narrow bridge, and the important thing is to have no fear at all

I'm really conscious, especially here, of why I'm making my decisions and if I'm making them out of fear. When I look back on my life, nothing I ever did out of fear ended well for me. On the other hand, things I did in SPITE of fear almost always were really successful or at least gave me some kind of satisfaction.

There was this weird euphoria that came with worse ACTUALLY COMING to worst. I realized in my life worse never really truly comes to worst. But there's something freeing when it does. What is there left to be afraid of? The shit isn't going to hit the fan, it hit the fan. What a disgusting mess. But what are you going to do? Life keeps going after.

Anyway, the motto really helped me through this apartment scenario especially. I just kept thinking that I can't choose a place I don't love because I'm afraid I'll be uncomfortable longer or homeless. I need to hang in there with that discomfort and even fear and find the right fit. There were a few places I almost took out of fear, but my friends and family helped me muscle through and say no even though it meant staying with the uncertainty.

And in the end, one of the girls I almost moved in with on Rashi knew someone on Rothschild (basically the best street in Tel Aviv) looking for a new roomie, and I went over there and it was a great fit! It's a great place with a balcony right on Rothschild, but the best part is the roomies are great! They're Ido and Yahli, and they're both my age, officers in the army, and hilarious and fun and smart and really kind, warm people.

The passage above is set to music, like this: (The best part is about half way through)

As probably wouldn't surprise you, I really like to sing it. Depending on who I'm with, this has various different results. Most of my American friends smile and nod or sometimes join in. Most of my Israeli friends quickly shush me and say something like "that is a really nerdy religious song that we don't sing in public, Ariane!" Except my Hebrew tutor, who likes when I sing it because it demonstrates some vocabulary we learned.

BUT, when I moved into the new apartment, Ido and Yahli and I sat out on the balcony and drank and smoked hookah for hours just getting to know each other, and I shared that this was my motto, and I said, "But I won't put you through singing it..."

And they said, "What? No! Sing it! Let's sing it!" and we all three of us did. And probably all of Rothschild Boulevard heard how unafraid we are. :D :D :D

And I knew hanging with the fear was worth it because now I have a great home. <3